Double Negative
by SemiPrecious
Summary: Because knowing the basics of grammar really can be beneficial to a Vongola guardian, and Tsuna should learn to listen in school...


Hello~ This is my first venture into the KHR fandom, so I'm a little apprehensive - especially as this is such a silly and kinda pointless oneshot. T^T I promise one day I will create something deep and meaningful that will impact the world - just not today XD Enjoy the pointlessness~

* * *

"Tsunayoshi-kun~"

Tsunayoshi, or as he was better known 'Tsuna', shivered at the cadence of the speaker's voice. Who knew, the fourteen-year-old brunette thought idly as his horror mounted, that such familiar and friendly syllables could, through mere prosody, become the very embodiment of all things lewd and libidinous?

"W-What is it, Mukuro-kun?"

He cursed himself inwardly when his voice wavered. _Get a grip, Tsuna, or else…_

Mukuro's grin had an unholy light. "What, can't I come visit my favourite Vongola? It has been a while since we've spent time together after all, one on one, vis a vis, just you and me…" Mukuro pouted then, but his eyes didn't lose their glitter. "So here I am~"

Tsuna sighed inwardly, but somehow managed to plaster a smile on his face that he hoped didn't look as strained as it felt. "We spent several hours together just the other day," the brunette reminded his mist guardian patiently. "When you came over to…" Tsuna paused and blinked. "Why _did_ you come to my house that time?"

"Oh Tsunayoshi-kun, that time doesn't count and neither do the twenty-seven times before that, since your puppy-chan guardian was there as well! He was there… every… single… time… I visited." The aura around the trident-wielder grew dangerous, and his grin suddenly gained more teeth. "That annoying, yelping little lap-dog; always interfering with my wooing of my Tsunayoshi… unforgivable…"

After a second's thought Tsuna decided that he hadn't heard that last bit. It was just the wind making funny noises. Again.

"I don't appreciate you talking about my friends that way, Mukuro-kun," the Vongola Decimo said instead, a light frown creasing the skin between his eyebrows. He started walking toward his house – Mukuro had intercepted him on his way back from school – and Mukuro followed faithfully. "Gokudera is as much a part of this family as you are; it would be so much easier if everyone would stop making enemies of my other guardians. All this fighting and bickering… it's not how a family is meant to be."

There was a moment of awkward silence.

Mukuro's eye twitched.

Did the boy seriously _still_ not know why his guardians were always going for one another's throats? Though no one had confessed outright for fear of being pummelled by the remaining Vongola guardians, Varia, and even the boss of the Chiavellone family, surely the innuendoes, the gropes, the suggestive leers, had twigged _something _in the brunette's fluffy little head… Suppressing a snort Mukuro let his lips stretch into a wide, insincere grin.

"Hai, hai, Vongola~ Speaking of the puppy-chan–" "Mukuro-kun!" "–where is he? And the other one, Yamamoto?"

Tsuna cursed inwardly. _Of all days_… "Yamamoto has baseball practise now," he informed the smirking Mist guardian reluctantly but truthfully, "and Gokudera never made it to school."

Mukuro looked vaguely surprised at this, and Tsuna didn't blame him. Sometimes he swore Gokudera had made it his mission to become his personal shadow. Even at night Tsuna had to force himself to studiously ignore the glint of binoculars coming from the shrubbery by his garden fence. Today, though, it had suddenly occurred to Bianchi that Gokudera might have maybe looked a little slimmer if you squinted and looked from the right angle, so upon the bomb wielder's arrival at Tsuna's house she had with deadly accuracy thrown into his mouth some 'toast of love'. Needless to say, the Vongola storm guardian would be incapacitated for the rest of the day.

While Tsuna was forcing from his mind an image of a feverish Gokudera dragging himself toward school on his belly, groaning his need to 'protect the Juudaime', Mukuro grinned victoriously. So it was just him and the Decimo today, was it?

"Kufufufu. How very _tragic_," Mukuro leered. "Ne, Tsuna… yoshi… _kun_…"

Even as he spoke Mukuro bent down toward the smaller boy's face. Tsuna, inwardly panicking, bent backward, _away_ from the looming grin of the person who out of everyone he knew was probably the number one candidate for 'most batshit insane' (now there was an interesting ranking to ask Futa for later). Considering the people Tsuna knew, this was no small achievement.

"M-Mukuro-kun!" Tsuna spluttered, flailing his arms when gravity threatened to send him sprawling. And he didn't need hyper intuition to know that being alone with the pineapple-haired boy while lying helpless and dishevelled on the ground was a _bad idea_.

Mukuro smirked, but reluctantly pulled away when it looked like Tsuna might actually panic enough to run away. _Like a scared little bunny rabbit, kufufu. _He strode further down the street with a blithe"Let's go somewhere fun for our date, Tsunayoshi-kun~" even as said boy stood rooted to the spot, flabbergasted at his guardian's nonchalance after that ridiculous display.

_Why do I get the feeling that God (or Reborn) only gave me Guardians for the purpose of giving me a head of white hair before I'm twenty?_

"W-wait! W-what was…You were… Y-you…" Then the older boy's words fully registered. "_Date_?!"

Mukuro did not respond.

In the long seconds it had taken poor, dame-Tsuna to comprehend, the purple haired guardian had been watching the _very_ entertaining progression of emotions passing across the _very_ expressive Decimo's countenance. From slack jawed incomprehension to wide-eyed panic, Mukuro drank them all in – the rosy flush, the chocolate coloured eyes licked with gold, the subtle trembling of his chin… _Mm, amusing _and_ sexy_, he purred inwardly.

But the deep concentration behind Mukuro's stare meant the older boy was entirely unable to look away when a fey wind tangled through Tsuna's tousled brown hair, the feathery strands rippling softly with the chilled autumn breeze that sent dead leaves skidding across the damp pavement. Mukuro was also entirely unable to suppress the blush that rode his cheeks when the self-same breeze made Tsuna's loose fitting uniform shirt billow away from his body, revealing a slice of tantalisingly pale belly. And the short (_sexy_) gasp Tsuna released from parted lips at the unexpected cold did nothing for Mukuro's sudden… _predicament_.

None of this registered with our beloved, oblivious Tsuna, however. "C-cold! So cold!" he squeaked, and wrapped his naked arms (in typical Tsuna fashion he had forgotten his jacket at home) around his skinny torso. "Uwaah!"

"_Tsunayoshi_."

Tsuna froze.

He did not even dare to shiver when another gust of wind numbed his goose-pimpled flesh.

If Tsuna had thought that the previous vocalisation of his name sounded… less than chaste, then this articulation gave Tsuna the unsettling feeling that his ears had just been raped.

Mukuro was smiling. An unsettling aura seemed to waver about him. Tsuna was suddenly and uncomfortably aware at how much _taller_ the other boy was.

"Are you cold, Tsunayoshi?"

He was too petrified to speak.

"You _look_ cold."

Tsuna garbled something unintelligible.

"_Shall I warm you up_?"

"N-" he squeaked pathetically. His hands waved furiously as the older boy approached, face shadowed except for his eerily sparkling eyes. "No! _No_!"

Tsuna flinched away from the angry and violent response to his rejection…

…That never came.

"_Kufufufu_."

Tsuna found himself almost wishing that Mukuro's response _had_ been angry and violent.

"Silly Tsunayoshi, you should pay better attention in class."

He fancied that he would be in for a world less of pain if Mukuro would only beat him up as opposed to… His knees were trembling so badly he would have fallen if his mist guardian hadn't swooped _close, too close_, pressing a firm hand dangerously close to his rear and leaning in to whisper –

"Then Tsunayoshi would know that 'no, no,' is a double negative."

He _pounced_.

"_Hiiiiiiiii_!!!"

* * *

And as all grammar nerds know, a double negative resolves to a positive. Prepare to 'get warm', Tsuna XD


End file.
